Written by Tom Payton and performed by Andrew Scarhart.
When I was a young lad I used to like girls,
I'd play with their corsets and fondle their curls.
'Till one day, my lady I cought with some churl,
now you'd never get treated that way by a moose.
When I was a young lass, I used to like boys,
I'd play with their muscles and fondle their toys.
But then my man left me for a stylist named Bruce --
you'd never get treated like that by a moose!
Moose, moose, I like a moose
I've never had anything quite like a moose.
I've had many lovers, my life has been loose,
but I've never had anything quite like a moose.
Now when I'm in need of a very good lay,
I got to my closet and get me some hay.
I go to my window and spread it around,
'cause moose always come when there's hay on the ground.
Gorillas are all right on Saturday night,
lions and tigers, they put up a fight.
But it's just not the same when you slam your caboose,
as the feeling you get when you hump with a moose.
I've done it with beasties with long flowing hair,
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there.
I've done it with a walrus, a monkey, and a goose,
but it's just not the same as screwing a moose.
Now that I'm old and advanced in my years,
I look back on my life and shed me no tears.
As I sit in my chair with my glass of Matheus,
playing 'Hide the Salami' with Morris the Moose!