Chorus: Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)
Now you are the age you are,
your demise cannot be far
May the candles on your cake
burn like cities in your wake
Burn the castle, burn the keep
Leave the women, save the sheep!
Death, destruction, and despair,
people dying everywhere
May your deeds with sheep and yaks
equal those with sword and axe
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse
So your 29 again,
please don't lie to your good friends
So another year has passed;
don't look now they're gaining fast
So far death you have bypassed;
don't look back it's gaining fast
Black Death has just struck town
You yourself feel quite run-down
We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!
I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add romance to life tonight!
Birthdays come but once a year,
marking time as Death draws near
Now you've lived another year,
and your death is drawing near
Raise your cup of bitter cheer
Make the barman eat his ear
Fear and gloom and darkness but,
no one found out YOU KNOW WHAT
You must marry very soon,
Baby's due the next full moon
Were I sitting in your shoes,
I'd go out and sing the blues
Though you're turning 29
age to you is like fine wine
Long ago you hair turned gray,
now it's falling out, they say
It's your birthday, never fear;
you'll be dead this time next year
See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
This one lesson you must learn FIRST you pillage, THEN you burn
While you eat your birthday stew,
we will sack a town for you
People starving on the earth
Go ahead, eat your dessert
Death will come before the dawn